you're the kind of person who makes me feel so romantic. you have such a fullness and a warmth to you. but I'm sure you must be very afraid of me. I am the kind of girl who loves to love, but seldom does. I am so lost when it comes to you. you make me so happy and also so afraid.

I could barely even talk to you when I had the chance and now I don't see you at all. I wish with so much of me that you could feel for me what I feel for you. there is such a purity and a sincerity in the connection I feel towards you and it is so refreshing.

I am almost astounded by your very existence. I am much too scared of my emotions, and to share them with you. I have developed a longing for your presence. and such a desire for your touch. not strictly in any wanton or harsh way, but in so much of an innocence that is not often recognized in me.

I hope with all I am that you could look fondly at me. if only you'd look. I must sound so blindly infatuated. and I'm sure I must be. but I mean none of this to deter you, though I feel it all will. you have no reason to care for me and I should not expect you to. however there is such an overwhelmingly trepidatious hope in my heart that feels you might care. please, if you cannot bring yourself to care, do not intentionally hurt me. and please if you care, but not enough to love, let me have your slightest touch and you softest voice. if I am only to have it once I am sure to cherish it just as much as if it were a habitual experience. I am starting to sound crazed so I should stop writing.

I promised myself that if you gave me another chance I wouldn’t waste it. but now it seems that I’ve done just that. I never could’ve guessed that I would’ve come to care so much for you. you remind me of springtime and of taking photos of moss and excitement. you’re like trying things for the first time… you feel to me like hardly being able to catch my breath. maybe I’m struggling to keep up with you because you keep running, racing away. can you tell me if you ever cared for me? could I have a hint? I’m having so much trouble figuring it out. I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore. it’s not that I don’t care any longer. you gave me the ability to have a crush on life again, the strength to care deeply and explore wildly. I remember the beginning… however, I guess if you never cared there never was anything with a beginning, or any part for that matter.

you are so much more tender than I ever could have believed. who would have known that someone like you could even see someone like me! you are so intricate, like lace made by knowledgeable hands, with fingers that had planned such beauty. beauty in every facet of your being. so often it stirs something within me, I pause and wonder. I wonder how in this great big world I could meet you when I did. poor timing? perhaps, but then again, perhaps not. disappointingly, this great big world isn’t big enough for me anymore. it’s lost the capability of keeping me far from you, it can’t keep you from me in any way. particularly my mind is affected. visions of warmth and glow and sweetness and your beauty, they haunt me daily. how silly I was to think that I could put myself in your life and leave untouched, unscathed.

I find you every day. in everything, I see you. I long to be near you in flesh. at the very least, could we merely speak to each other? how has this all happened? you never treated me like I was hollow glass, but now that’s all I feel myself to be. you called me beautiful. I think you were drunk. whether or not you cared or care for me, you must preserve yourself. I was so destructive in your life. and you have only treated me with kindness. I have so much more in words and in thoughts and feelings for you. instead of sharing further I will hope you’re able to read this. if it’s done, then it’s done. If it never was, I am lost.